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She lives in East Dallas, where she enjoys listening to the Xanadu soundtrack and puttering in her garden, when she remembers she has one. As she tells it, Sarah Hepola's romance with alcohol began in her childhood (yes, childhood), when she would sneak sips of beer from her mother's half-drunk can in the fridge. Sarah Hepola's Blackout, a dark, funny, honest-to-the-bone account of getting sober. David Bentley Hart How to Write English Prose, Course Syllabi with Links to Readings and Slides. His research focuses on the historical sociology of American schooling, including topics such as the evolution of high schools, the growth of consumerism, the origins and nature of education schools, and the role of schools in promoting access and advantage more than subject-matter learning. What was trauma, really? Not that project, not that story, not that controversy. A couple of years ago, I was asked to conduct an interview at the Texas Book Festival with Malcolm Gladwell. I was not in that situation; I was on the other side of the fence. See, the body acceptance movement, I think, in its most pure form, is not, You have to be this way and accept it; its that you can love your body at any size. No jail time. Sarah Hepola Net Worth is $7 Million. But in 2015 Id written a memoir that introduced some controversial ideas about women and drinking, and I badly wanted to be a part of their rogue outfit, even as I clung to the more doctrinaire one Id long considered my own. Not gonna die in that ditch today. . If women wanted equality in the bedroom, why did so many confess to being turned on by domination and rough sex? I lost 50 pounds, but I still have to accept that Im never going to have the body of my 5'10" actress friend. Her stories have appeared in the NYT Magazine, the Guardian, Elle, Slate, Texas Monthly, and Salon, where she was a long-time editor. David Labaree on Schooling, History, and Writing, Comments on the nature of the US system of schooling, big history, and the craft of writing. Millers account was one of the most affecting pieces of writing I read that year. And the writing community changed. Joan Didion, Carl Sagan, Christopher Hitchens, though I had more reservations about that last one. From reading your book, that seemed to me like perhaps the time that was the hardest for you. I stayed on a podcast about the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders that I feared everyone would hate, and I braced myself to be unpopular, to take the hits, which never really came. Because I wanted to talk to other writers about the things you cant write about anymore., His eyes narrowed. But the world kept exploding, and I only retreated further into my hidey-hole. Heres a link to the original. What if I picked up the groceries and I got the wrong ones? They were married in Little Falls and moved to Eden Prairie, MN" in 1962. Lets get blackout has been a college rallying cry for many years. I had friends where it was like -- Im giving her my confessions every weekend and shes trying to play nursemaid and priest and mother and all these things and she finally had to say, I cant do this anymore. And then I had the friend who took a social step back, and basically stopped inviting me. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, The Guardian, the Atlantic, Salon, and Elle. "Sobriety sucked the biggest donkey dong in the world," she tells us, and she backs that up. Heres something that I think helps enrich the conversation." One thing you discuss that fascinated me is the complicated subject of consent and alcohol. Maybe Ill write something lousy. Sarah Hepola is the author of the bestselling Blackout and whatever she writes next. Possible humiliation, almost-certain ridicule, and excused overindulgence: Never one to flee from a challenge, our writer goes to her high-school reunion. I'm making all the right sounds. There were the pressing matters of rent, exorbitant insurance, and the occasional glitter heels. Beginning. Im not gonna deal with that person because that person brings chaos -- and I understand that. But I think that when youre in that place, you do feel dramatic. Sarah Hepola is the author of the New York Times bestseller, "Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget," now out in paperback. podcast about the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. Her memoir, "Blackout," will be published by Grand Central on June 23, 2015. ), I sympathized deeply with Miller. A nagging sense that I did not know enough about any given controversy to weigh in publicly (though that never stopped so many others). He had a book coming out,Talking to Strangers, which included a well-researched chapter on alcohol and blackouts in the context of a college scandal I knew better than most, having met some of the people involved with the legal case. Instead my writing grew better, stronger, more clearheaded. Lets talk about it out there, he said, gesturing to the corridor that led to a packed audience, and I gave him that look, the same look Id given the younger man who asked why I didnt write about these things. What he said was slow, and careful, and Ive never forgotten it. Yes, exactly! Or I would pause the recording to offer my own opposing view, like I was part of this conversation, and not the passive listener. She was preceded in death by: her husband, Don; her son, Mark; and her daughter in law Twyla (Paul). As a drinker and a snob, I had an allergy to educational materials, period. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. I listened to podcasts on which controversial figures interviewed controversial guests, engaging in those delicious conversations I held so dear. The selfie with Malcolm Gladwell I posted to Instagram did get a ton of likes, though. At a lake. ", "[P]eople in a blackout can be surprisingly functional," she writes. She lives in Dallas. In the sixth grade, I did a six-week research project on the PMRC, the Parents Music Resource Center, and you might call that lengthy, impassioned report my first long-form story. Staying silent as writers in this fractured world is understandable, maybe even wise; its also a disserviceto society, the career we fought so hard to claim, and ourselves. (I have no reason to suspect that Chanel Miller is a chronic blackout drinker, but my research taught me that blackout drinking can be chronic in college environments. Blackouts can be either partial or complete. He came from a different generation, but I was pleased to discover that he shared many of my unconventional opinions and favorite authors, that taste and perspective werent necessarily a matter of the year you were born. This felt empowering to her, as it did to many of us who were young and sexually active at that time. Not to engage in callouts, or scolding, or eye rolls, which are not my style, but to express my own deep ambivalence, my own point of view on subjects that matter to me. Online condolences may be left at jonespearson.com. Her past jobs include: Travel columnist, music editor, film critic, sex blogger, and for about 15 seconds in the late '90s, she taught high school English. Going against the online outrage machine could be career suicide. Perhaps Ihadinternalized my own misogyny, whatever that means. To listen. I had no boyfriend and practically no qualms about that. Privacy | by Sarah Hepola. Its very unusual for sexual assaults involving a blackout to get a conviction, partly for this reason. The Rise to Fame 1. One of the common arguments made, at least about #MeToo scandals, is that the men (and women) behaving badly rarely face legal punishment. Prickly issues that deserve a full airing are being treated as settled law. Into someone else's life. Blackouts might be the freakiest neurological occurrence that also happens to be casually categorized as another Friday night. The things you and I discuss., Nicole Chung: How to organize your writing ideas, He ran a hand through his hair. I grew up reading Edgar Allan Poe (alcoholic, married his 13-year-old cousin), dancing to James Brown (domestic abuse, alleged rape), watching Woody Allen movies (is Woody Allen). Five years ago this month, Sarah Hepola awoke to a scene that looked like just any other Sunday morning. In Blackout, Hepola likens sobriety to a "plot twist" and shows the anguish that befell her when she was finally forced to face a version of herself, sans alcohol, head-on. One of the common arguments made, at least about #MeToo scandals, is that the men (and women) behaving badly rarely face legal punishment. Books were a common pleasure point, and I was eager to tell him about a literary party Id recently attended in New York City, where Id once lived and often visited in the Before Times. And that is a great gift that you can give someone. Too fraught, no lived experience. Three guys I met on dating apps who refused to get vaccinated: Eh, never mind. Every once in a while, Id get a head of steam about some scandal, and Id start a big-swing essay only to bench myself a few days later. Millers account was one of the most affecting pieces of writing I read that year. What It's Like When Alcohol Takes Over Your Life -- And Steals Your Memories, "periods of memory loss for events that transpired while a person was drinking,". This is about every corner of human life. . Pero tena un precio. Lets get blackout has been a college rallying cry for many years. My college boyfriend introduced me to Joan Didion. But one of the things that reached through my denial, for whatever reason, was other peoples stories. Sally is survived by her children: John (Tracy) of Bemidji, MN, Paul of Menahga, MN; Jean Gibbs (Mark) of Waconia, MN, Sue Umhoefer (Mark)of Hartland, Wl, and Dale of Bemidji, MN. Oprah managed deep conversations with each of them, never pointing out that one account brushed uncomfortably against the other. And the unsavory truth is that, as someone who has done Very Stupid Things while drinking, I also sympathized with Turner. When Don retired, they split their time between summers at the cabin on Duck Lake, MN and winters at their home in Mesa, AZ. I was very disconnected from, Am I even hungry? I am such a binge eater, and I will eat away my feelings in the same way that I would drink away my feelings. Sally was born on September 1, 1928, to Frank and Noella Hall in Little Falls, MN. I was stuck. On the master of precise prose, falling in love, and writing as an irrelevant act. ThisNew York Times bestseller will resonate with anyone who has been forced to reinvent or struggled in the face of necessary change. A human life is morally complex, filled with ambivalence and uncertainty, and accepting the quickly assembled dogma of social-media feeds lets us bypass messier realities that we ignore at our own peril. Deeply uncomfortable. In the end, I did what I have done for the past 25 years whenever I hit some crisis in my career. Id spent the past five or so years watching celebrities, pundits, friends, and internet randos fall from grace for reasons as varied as sharing dumb jokes, making clumsy writing errors, accidentally showing their dong, and expressing controversial (though often widely held) opinions in the public execution chambers of social media. It was also, as Miller acknowledged and like every story ever told, incomplete. And what I wish I could impart to someone is: If you can just get through that difficult first month, or two months, or whatever it turns out to be, I promise you, I swear to you, it is so much better on this side. I have spoken to women who, when they wake up and they cant remember what happened the night before, their immediate thing is, I was drugged; I was roofied. And that is possible, but I think one of the things that wasnt out there, to my thinking, was just how often excessive drinking leads to blacking out, especially for women. You say that in your own life, "alcohol often made the issue of consent very murky." I grew up in a conservative part of Dallas, in the conservative 80s. So much so, in fact, that when her father suggested she. to John "Vernor" and Signe Porkkonen. And when my friends stopped laughing because, you know, laughter is a complicity; its Im in this with you. When my friends stopped laughing, I was like, Oh wow, OK, this isnt so cool anymore., Each of my friends reacted differently to what was going on. Atlantic. published June 24, 2015. News about the couple's then-burgeoning relationship in April 2016. Maybe it would get me into The New Yorker! Id long considered myself a liberal and a feminist, but Id grown terrified of being banished for views I considered reasonable, or at least worth discussingbut maybe, but what about, but actually. Leave your condolences to the family on this memorial page or send flowers to show you care. Staying silent as writers in this fractured world is understandable, maybe even wise; its also a disserviceto society, the career we fought so hard to claim, and ourselves. Arrangements were entrusted to Jones Pearson Funeral Home of Park Rapids. A New York Times columnist who would eventually be publicly excommunicated. For press inquiries or to contact the author, click here. Blackout by Sarah Hepola | Summary & Analysis Preview: In her memoir, Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget, Sarah Hepola examines how she drank, why she drank, how others responded to her, and the misfortunes that occurred during her journey to sobriety. Ive been waiting for someone to confront me on my drinking! They will feel defensive, hurt. I wanted people to love me without really knowing me, which isnt love. That she sympathizes with accused rapists, for one thing . He had a book coming out, Talking to Strangers, which included a well-researched chapter on alcohol and blackouts in the context of a college scandal I knew better than most, having met some of the people involved with the legal case. Five years ago, on June 12, 2010, Sarah Hepola quit drinking, breaking a lifelong habit that could be traced back to sneaking her first sip of her dad's warm Pearl Light when she was 6 years old. (Blackouts can be either partial or complete.). Find the obituary of Sarah Hepola (1928 - 2022) from Mesa, AZ. BLACKOUT: Remembering The Things I Drank To Forget is the story of a woman stumbling into a new kind of adventure the sober life she never wanted. Sarah Hepola 's writing has appeared in the New York Times Magazine, New Republic, Glamour, Slate, Guardian, and Salon, where she was a longtime editor. But I thought thats what writers do.. What gets lost when a writer mutes herself? Id say it was disappointed. Phone dates with writer friends in other parts of the country stretched to two and three hours as we worked out essays we would never write, toggling between outrage, despair, and armchair cultural analysis of the latest dustup. Required fields are marked *. Are you kidding? I spoke to Hepola, a former colleague of mine, about drinking, body image, the politics of consent and what to do if you think you know someone who has a problem. In her book, released in June, the author -- who edits personal essays for Salon.com -- discusses her long, both complicated and sometimes devastatingly simple relationship with alcohol. And though the area of expertise Id staked out as a writer was the complications of womens independence and the nuances of sex, and my own personal brand was blunt honesty, I could not bring myself to say word one about these episodes in public. Privately, I worried I was wrong. The Internet hates Franzen? He was not an online creature, despite being 29. I remember turning to the picture of Joan on the back, young and pretty and serious. He skillfully reframed a rape culture narrative as a tragic misunderstanding fueled by the distortion of booze. Perhaps he was disappointed in me, or in an environment where writers saved the best and juiciest controversies for private conversations. Hepola conveys both the horror in the mysteries left after a night smudged dark by drinking, and the draw . I think the first instinct when you have this situation is to cut that person out of your life. Well, has the Internet read The Corrections?. Her place was filled with hardback books and writers who had been invited because they danced on the precarious edge of what was considered appropriate. Thank you for asking me that. I toyed with the idea of writing about Brock Turner. There had been more grievous allegations, of courserape, pedophilia, physical abuse. You can call it cancel culture. Lets talk about it out there, he said, gesturing to the corridor that led to a packed audience, and I gave him that look, the same look Id given the younger man who asked why I didnt write about these things. Artists were the weirdos and the scoundrels, the square pegs who never fit the round hole of society, and the result was typically a bucket of addictions, perversions, and bizarre predilections born of life on the outskirts. Nobody wants the bad guys to get away with it. If you do, that is sexual assault. I stayed on apodcast about the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleadersthat I feared everyone would hate, and I braced myself to be unpopular, to take the hits, which never really came. Do you have any advice for someone who is thinking about broaching the subject of drinking problems with a friend? Blackout - Sarah Hepola Drunk Mom - Jowita Bydlowska Smashed - Koren Zailckas Unwasted: My Lush Sobriety - Sasha Zimmerman Scoblic Parched: A Memoir - Heather King The Recovering: Intoxication and its Aftermath - Leslie Jamison Reply . But the way I was doing business had become a prison of my own making. She liked how it. . Yes, exactly! Or I would pause the recording to offer my own opposing view, like I was part of this conversation, and not the passive listener. In the Dream House University of Alabama Press *A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER* For Sarah Hepola, alcohol was "the gasoline of all adventure." She spent her evenings at cocktail parties and dark bars where she proudly stayed till last call. Artists were the weirdos and the scoundrels, the square pegs who never fit the round hole of society, and the result was typically a bucket of addictions, perversions, and bizarre predilections born of life on the outskirts. That sounds really dramatic. Back in 2015, I was putting out my first book, and then I was promoting that book, and then I was struggling to write a second book, and I could not risk the personal and professional blowback that might accompany stepping into the wrong lane. I was galled by the PMRC, a group of concerned mothers led by the then-wife of Al Gore, Tipper Gore, fighting the cultural rot of songs about masturbation, virginity, BDSM, all the topics a curious girl might find irresistible. Nobody wants the bad guys to get away with it. I have a million things to say, but well talk about it after the event.. My writer friends and I huddled backstage at panels in green rooms filled with chocolate-chip cookies and veggie platters, whispering about everything we couldnt say out there, in the scary beyond. Perhaps my thinking, steeped in the classic liberalism of 90s slacker culture, was unevolved. Sarah Hepola is the author of the New York Times bestseller, "Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget."Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Guardian, Elle, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Bloomberg Businessweek, and Texas Monthly, where she is a contributing writer.For many years she ran the personal essays section at Salon.She is working on a second memoir about an ambivalent . What I needed to do for myself was to find the body that I felt comfortable in, given the parameters that I have. This post is a remarkable essay by Sarah Hepola, which appeared recently online at Atlantic. But there would be no lunch after the show. All I know is that I hated it, and for five years, I kept very quiet about it. Something else might work for you, but just thought I'd share. What was I, a rape apologist? Consent, complicity, moral trespass, power dynamics. Were missing the chance to learn. Writers gathered around the long communal table of Twitter, and some days it felt like the last scene ofReservoir Dogseveryone turning their guns on one another. Mini Biography. Id think those would be the most interesting things to write about., I gave him an exasperated look. Outside on the sidewalk, he thanked me politely and sauntered off in the other direction, and I was left wondering why, indeed, we do these things. Sally was born on September 1, 1928, to Frank and Noella Hall in Little Falls, MN. Our heroine finally makes peace with her hometown. Im dying to talk about the Brock Turner incident, I said. Not because anyone asked for it, but because this is the career Ive chosen, and if Im not doing that, then what are we doing here? One evening, I sat on the brown-leather couch of a younger man who admired me for my writing, and maybe other things, if the salty text messages were true. The other is that she is exploring an incredibly important problem for writers and other public figures in the currently period of over-heated cultural conflict. (Laughs.) Sarah Hepola is the author of the New York Times best-seller Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget (Grand Central Publishing). Its very unusual for sexual assaults involving a blackout to get a conviction, partly for this reason. My writer friends and I huddled backstage at panels in green rooms filled with chocolate-chip cookies and veggie platters, whispering about everything we couldnt say out there, in the scary beyond. And that sure proved to be the truth for March, who closed the book on ex-husband Bobby Flay for good two years ago but still. Everyone kept quiet (save for the brave few who did not). Im dying to talk about the Brock Turner incident, I said. Let's start with the most recent piece: Texas writer Sarah Hepola's Atlantic article, a rambling, illogical screed that was full of fallacious arguments. Sometimes, when money was tight, I ate this big jar of peanut butter . Its kind of mind-boggling to contemplatethatnotpouring a beer on a strangers head would be the bad career move. A bigot? ( 2,291 ) $10.99. Like me, the younger man had fallen in love with art because it was the place where people told the truth. Me too. But being sympathetic to these fallen creaturesa trait instilled by literature, my mother, and Oprahhad been declared a sin. My book opens with an episode in Paris where I came out of a blackout in the middle of having sex with a man I did not recognize. If only I had her courage. Some kind of moral monster? Fear. A memoir of unblinking honesty and poignant, laugh-out-loud humor, BLACKOUT is the story of a woman stumbling into a new kind of adventure--the sober life she never wanted. Books were a common pleasure point, and I was eager to tell him about a literary party Id recently attended in New York City, where Id once lived and often visited in the Before Times. All I know is that I hated it, and for five years, I kept very quiet about it. and Al Franken became Andrew Cuomo and Dave Chappelle. I kept going. She lives in Dallas. Oprah managed deep conversations with each of them, never pointing out that one account brushed uncomfortably against the other. Her writing has been published by the New York Times magazine, The New Republic, Elle, Glamour, The Guardian, Slate, and The Morning News, where she is a contributing writer. Her essays have appeared in the New York Times magazine, the Atlantic, Elle, Bloomberg Businessweek, The Guardian, Salon, and Texas Monthly. Everyone kept quiet (save for the brave few who did not). Maybe thats why I held so fast to the younger man Id met on Tinder, of all places. A human life is morally complex, filled with ambivalence and uncertainty, and accepting the quickly assembled dogma of social-media feeds lets us bypass messier realities that we ignore at our own peril. A single womans life, also precarious. She was one of those people who rarely had a bad day. But the world kept exploding, and I only retreated further into my hidey-hole. Sarah is survived by her husband, Russell Hepola; children, Paula (John) Hepola Anderson, Annette (John) Blume, Lynn (Delbert) Fickes & Keith Hepola; grandchildren, Joanna Anderson, Bryan (Mackenzie) Blume, Joshua (Kelsie) Blume, Maria (Cory) Grunewald, Hannah (Mikael) VahnDijk, Christopher Fickes, Angelene (John) Winges & Shane (Kristi) Fickes; For Sarah, and many of her peers living in New York, blackouts were normal. They have no idea. Hepola convincingly portrays her life as a blacking-out alcoholic, but even more compelling is the picture she paints of sobriety. But in 2015Id written a memoirthat introduced some controversial ideas about women and drinking, and I badly wanted to be a part of their rogue outfit, even as I clung to the more doctrinaire one Id long considered my own. I was galled by the PMRC, a group of concerned mothers led by the then-wife of Al Gore, Tipper Gore, fighting the cultural rot of songs about masturbation, virginity, BDSM, all the topics a curious girl might find irresistible. BLACKOUT: Remembering The Things I Drank To Forget, Things Fall Apart: Thoughts on Joan Didion, Why Im Doing a Podcast on the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. Maybe Ill meet the love of my life, and maybe come April, Ill be picking up groceries for the good people of North Texas who need those seven items, pronto. She was a very positive person, had an independent spirit, was high energy, and was incredibly welcoming and caring. But central to Millers despair is this: She could not remember what happened. Shes the co-conspirator of Smoke Em if You Got Em, a weekly podcast on whats burning through the culture that she hosts with friend and fellow scribe Nancy Rommelmann. And so I watched from afar as the person whose memory had not recorded the incident came to control the narrative. Sarah Hepola @sarahhepola Feb 22, 2023 @marsrat77 Love that. All Rights Reserved. She is currently working on a memoir for The Dial Press/Random House about her ambivalent . We spoke about her newly released first book Blackout: Remembering The Things I Drank To Forget, which is about a lifetime of drinking and the initial years of recovery. And so I watched from afar as the person whose memory had not recorded the incident came to control the narrative. Hepola, a personal essays editor at Salon who experienced blackouts during her 25 years of drinking, assumed everyone knew what they were. That might be why Ive so desperately sought the validation of people on Twitter Ive never even met. A writers life is financially precarious. But I was swiftly counseled away by my lets-not-die-in-this-ditch partner in difficult conversations. What the unlikely matchup means for one writer's family. And though the area of expertise Id staked out as a writer was the complications of womens independence and the nuances of sex, and my own personal brand was blunt honesty, I could not bring myself to say word one about these episodes in public. For me, in terms of consent, there are these very clear lines. I was very disconnected from my body by the end. And thats why, midway through a career built on speaking out, I shut up. I carved out a journalism career during an era when that was not so hard to do. By Sarah Hepola H. Armstrong Roberts / ClassicStock / Getty; Gabriela Pesqueira / The Atlantic March 12, 2022 One evening, I sat on the brown-leather couch of a younger man who admired me for. on Sarah Hepola The Things Im Afraid to Write About. I was stuck. Consent, complicity, moral trespass, power dynamics. Too fraught, no lived experience. Three guys I met on dating apps who refused to get vaccinated: Eh, never mind. Prickly issues that deserve a full airing are being treated as settled law. The #MeToo movement, which felt like a necessary corrective when it began, was starting to feel like an arrow pointed at our own agency. His books include: The Making of an American High School (Yale, 1988); How to Succeed in School Without Really Learning: The Credentials Race in American Education (Yale, 1997); The Trouble with Ed Schools (Yale University Press, 2004); Someone Has to Fail: The Zero-Sum Game of Public Schooling (Harvard, 2010); and A Perfect Mess: The Unlikely Ascendancy of American Higher Education (Chicago, 2017).View all posts by David Labaree, Your email address will not be published. I was not writing much about this stuff, except in the journals where I always stowed my secrets. Condolences to the family on this memorial page or send flowers to show you care give someone a... Love, and for five years, I was on the other that... 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